Submission in order

I want to do a little deep dive into the fourth of the Ten commandments.  As we take on parenting of children we were not the procreators of, as we may sometimes (or often) feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of parenting, and as we muster up the energy to care for aging parents, it's something I've felt the need for clarity in. 

The first two commandments are our response to the Lord, our Creator, and the importance of maintaining an awe and reverence of Him, which orders our lives.  The third command is a way of living that acknowledges Him as our provider- that though we must work, provision is not solely in our hands.  The fourth commandment, to honor our parents, is acknowledging them as our procreators, and human.  This command is the beginning of how we interact socially (commands 5-10), acknowledging God created all humans.  

So let's dig a little into the original words and meanings for clarity:

The Hebrew word for "honor" in Deuteronomy 5:16 is כַּבֵּד (kabbed), which means "to be heavy" or "to be weighty".  A further search to understand our application, reveals the appearance of an Akkadian cognate (words that share a common origin with Akkadian in other languages, most often other Semitic languages like Arabic, Hebrew, and Aramaic) with the meaning “to care for parents in their old age.”  This gives us a directive, and a better understanding of what God is telling us to do!  We are to extend compassion, caring for them, because they (imperfectly as they may have done it) are our parents, and in that position are now the ones to extend our strength while they are in a place of need and care. The modern assumption that this commandment urges young children to “mind Mommy and Daddy,” while not inappropriate in general, is essentially beyond the scope of this commandment.(enterthebible.org)

When it comes to our parents, we are to acknowledge the value they have (as God's) and the responsibility they have undertaken in giving us life, whatever that may have looked like.  Even when we may say that only looked like giving us the opportunity to breathe!  Ultimately, with that alone, God is able to do the rest in our life to draw us near to Him.  As we take up this command to care for our parents, His promise is that He is the one we are submitted to, and as so, He is the one who will reward us.  He wants us to experience the blessing of caring for our parents when they are in a place of vulnerability.

I might further extend the idea, that just as we can wrap our minds around the amazing grace of God through our interactions with testing and trying children, we also will further understand His grace as we care for our parents, and eventually walk through the journey of leaving this life with them, before we have that opportunity ourselves. 

The Ten Commandments are followed by a further explanation of life in alignment.  I urge you to read Deuteronomy 5:22-6:25. 

As I want to understand more clearly words that may have been interchanged, let's look at what we've translated into "Fear" and "Submission" as well.  We may have heard that we are to fear our parents (especially as children), and to submit to them.

The original Hebrew word for "fear" in Deuteronomy 6, referring to the fear that we are to have of God, which is yirah (יִרְאָה), means a sense of awe and reverence rather than simple terror. It signifies a deep respect for God's majesty and power, combined with a desire for obedient submission. This "fear" is characterized by reverential submission and honor, a sense of trembling in God's presence, and a disposition to live one's life in a way that is pleasing to Him.

Author Lisa Bevere rightly said, “We are a generation that has been stripped of our awe”. But Scripture tells us that having yirah toward God is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). This means we have to regain our sense of awe and reverence toward God. The best way to do this, according to Scripture, is to follow His instructions (1 John 5:3), and to meditate upon His word. (FirmIsrael.org)

Without yirah – the fear of the Lord that sees Him in His right place-  the all powerful creator in whom we are in awe– we are empty vessels, unmotivated to do the will of the Lord. We lose sanctity in life: meaning, value, and recognition of a greater allegiance due to God- strips our horizontal respect for life away. We can see the effects of this in our culture everywhere. Men and women demean each other, children do not respect their parents, and parents exasperate their children.  We are to give every opportunity for others to live a life that would please God, beginning at conception.  We are not to have fear or awe of others, to include our parents, but out of our fear of the Lord we honor and respect the lives of others.  Moses says in Exodus 20:20 upon delivering the Ten Commandments, "The fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning."

The Hebrew word translated to "submit," is Shama (שָׁמַע), which means to listen, to hear, and to obey. This translation of Shama is first found preceding the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17), where God gives commands that are to be heard and obeyed. This highlights a foundational aspect of submission as attentive obedience to divine authority. Moses records God saying, in Exodus 19:4-6, "I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation."

Submission is not the same as honor or fear.  As Christians we submit to one another as to Christ, out of reverence to God, because we rightly view Him.  We submit to Christ first, and our relationships with each other are reflective of our submission to Him.  We don't come out of submission to Him to submit to each other as if another were perfect.  We only submit to the perfection of Christ, and in that submission we can show honor and favor.  When we look at it that way, we can better understand living to please God and not man.   

As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:14- 7:1, "Do not be yoked together with (or submit to) unbelievers.  For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?  Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  What harmony is there between Christ and Belial?  What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?  What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?  For we are the temple of the living God.  As God has said; "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.  Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." "I will be a father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord almighty."  Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."

To come back and honor our parents, is to bless them by not holding an expectation of perfection to them.  We are wired by God to seek perfection: that is why we find rest when we seek Him.  When we expect it of ourselves or others, we are proposing that someone else could be "god-like," and therefore worthy of the praise and honor and glory, and our obedience that is only due God.  This leads to destructive thoughts, and destroys relationships.  You might have seen it or experienced it even in coming to a church, and then being disappointed and walking out with "church hurt".  The expectation of perfection was placed on the people in the church instead of the God who the people of the church are meeting to submit to. 

Jesus is recorded saying in Matthew 11:30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". The "Yoke", a wooden frame used to join two oxen together for work, symbolizes submission, service, and partnership. Jesus invites people to be "yoked" with him, meaning to align their lives with his purpose and learn from his example.  With this submission, we find peace and rest in our souls.

He tells us that we can break away from the examples we may have seen, and the natural patterns we might fall into, even when we have inherited the sins, or the consequences of the sins, of our parents (the preceding verses in Matthew 11:20-24: those who are unrepentant and refuse to submit). We must choose. As Joshua chose, "as for me and my house, I will choose the Lord." And with that choosing: spiritual, psychological, and physiological inheritances can be changed. Just as God's original design can be recovered through submission, His desire is for us to experience and share His healing through our understanding, acceptance, and testament of His promises.

When we choose Christ we are changing our trajectory, and the legacy we can pass on to our children- all of them- but we must train our children to rebuke anything that is not of God and only submit to God.  Again, we must return to the command to "Teach our children and their children after them," Deuteronomy 4:9, to submit to God.

My conclusion, then, is that in submission to God I care for my parents, and teach my children His way.