A new journey: sharing our adoption story

 I'm starting a new book.  Going to have to wrap up the other: a book that will be written to women/wives and soon to be wives, to encourage them on their journey.  The new book may be what I'll put in the hands of adoptive families who come to "Our Village Hands" looking for relief and financial support for their growing family.  This could, of course, be an encouragement to anyone: before, during and after their adoption journey, which might include fostering or going through an adoption agency, or kinship care.  

For me, this is sharing my journey of surrendering as a servant to surrendering to God's provisions.  As we were considering our 2nd adoption, shortly after finishing our first, when we found out his sister was born, our journey began to get rocky.  I cried out to God for help, asking "where does my help come from?" a whole lot.  Although I wanted to look to the left and right, He kept saying, "Your help comes from the Lord, look to me (Psalm 121)."  All I know is what I can get from pursuing on this earth- money doesn't really fall out of the sky.  He kept telling me, that He would provide: maybe provisions don't always look like money, and maybe it will be that miraculous.  This is our story, and what He's revealed and is revealing to me, that I want to share as "hope" for others whose family has grown through adoption. 

I write this to honor Him, my provider, the One that gives me everything I need, including the energy, grace, self-discipline, and peace to start each day. My biggest encouragement to you, anyone, is to spend time with Him in the morning.  Whatever that may look like: dialing the alarm back so that you will wake up before your kids, your first bathroom stop, in your closet, as you're feeding your baby (reading or listening to His Word read aloud on an app)...   There are so many ways to feed your spirit on His Word: this is the most important thing.  Then write it down, and surround yourself with it so that you can easily "meditate on it".  Let it change the way you think, so that your soul and body will follow your spirit and you will walk in communion with Him.

I pray blessings on every reader, that you would find encouragement for your journey.  I don't want to propose that these words are not for the biological family as well: if I could get this or a similar version into the hands of biological families who feel they can't get ahead, I would offer it there as well- maybe that will come.  Believe and receive:  God is our provider.  His desire is for relationship with us, and when we begin to seek Him, we will see how He provides.  Be alert!  He is not a manipulator, it is not an exchange of service or submission, but an exchange of our heart for a heart like His, eyes that see differently, and hands that are open.  It's learning to walk with Him (Matthew 11:30).

Introduction:  Where our journey and yours begins

“Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” — Matthew 6:33

Chris and I began our adoption journey when we started dating.  I proposed to him that he needed to be ready to adopt someday if he wanted to continue to date me.  I shared that adoption had been on my heart since I accepted Christ as a child, and that I felt very strongly that God wanted me to adopt whether or not I was able to have kids of my own.  Chris said he would pray over it and study God's word for direction.  He came back (it may have been weeks later), with a "yes" to both dating me and adoption.

After we got married, had 2 beautiful children, and were 7 years into our marriage, we began the journey of adoption through fostering.  We were so excited to welcome the first sibling pair into our home.  Our kids were super excited as well, but the "honeymoon" soon wore off for all of us.  The biological mom and dad were perceived by the social worker as threatening, so fear entered our home.  The kids began to fight, and I saw division even among our 2 that were well-bonded.  Then we found ourselves traveling out of state and unable to take them when we went to visit Chris's sick father nearly every other weekend.  Bonding was not going very well, and we were too spread emotionally with Chris's father's declining health.  

We finally caved, after 3 months, and asked the social worker to find a family for these kids that could minister to them while we refocused on our family.  We took a break, then after Chris's father passed, entered the world of "respite care", taking in children for short periods in order to give other foster families a break.  I think this was super helpful for our kids- to experience different kids and to recognize that we were helping these kids through a tough time.  At that point we were "fostering," so the intent was the kids were going back home, and our kids would always be "home" with us.   It also helped our kids to experience the revolving door.  Some of the kids, we really didn't want to leave our home, others, we saw were not really a "fit" for our family, and learning that was important for Chris and I.  When fostering, each child can be blessed during the time they stayed with us, that was the goal, and we gained more wisdom for our adoption journey.   

We appreciated the support of the social workers, who though they were looking for willing families to take in these children, also recognized that we needed to be able to care for our own family first.  Through the years, it was only pressure we put on ourselves to keep a child through intense conflict in our home.  Taking in children who have been through difficult circumstances, the first and greatest known to us is being displaced from what they knew as their family, and any additional trauma, brings trauma into the home. It's a known with unknowns:  how will the child display what they've been through, how will they interact with us and our children, how will our children respond to them, and will we be able to find a calm, or are we going to be stuck in survival mode?  Fostering was a journey that led to adoption, that is still a journey of seeking God for direction, admitting we are broken, and asking for help. 

When God calls a family to foster care and adoption, He is not only inviting a child into a home—He is inviting that home into deeper faith.  Taking a child who has experienced displacement in doesn't make you a hero, and it is more than an act of love; it’s a surrender. It begins and continues with submission to the One who orchestrates family itself.

We are no better than the family this child comes from on our own.  And though the child may think it's more fun in our family at times, as time goes, they will long for what they had- or the best of what they remember.  God would have their family of origin restored in a flash if it were not for the provision of choice, and they, like us, are on their own journey of grace.   

Over the next 7 years we would have around 20 kids in and out of our home: 2 got to stay.  We get to commit the rest of our lives to being family.  All 4 of us committed to being "all in" and never looking back to 2.  We were not meant to keep all of them- most of them got to go back home or to a family member who was committed to caring for them in place of their parents.  Nor are we meant to continue taking in kids forever, or forever growing our family through adoption; the kids we have need our attention and the healing that comes from the protection of their home.  

When we got to make decisions for the care of these kids and the security of our family, we did, but more often then not, it was in the hands of their parents and what the "system" decided.  This is a very important thing to keep in mind when fostering: We are signing up to serve a child while they are going through a very difficult time, while the parents hopefully recover from their difficult time, and therfor we are serving them as well.  The goal is reunification.  It is a blessing for a child to be restored to a family that is healing.  No family is perfect:  but God's grace is sufficient for every family.  Not every child that comes into our home is for us to choose to stay.  When we are presented with a child that needs a place to stay forever, we must ask God if we are really their final stop.  This requires a lot of looking within and looking up.  Self-examination, self-sacrifice, and continuing to look to God for direction and sustenance.  

I want to share our journey, others' stories, and encouragement as we receive it in this study.  

Remember, above all things that you are experiencing in the present, God never calls us to something He won’t sustain us through (even though we might not feel like it in the moment).  He will make it clear if it's forever, or otherwise make clear that we are in a season of obedience, testing, and learning, that will come to a close. The same voice that said, “Bring this child home,” also whispers, “I will direct and I will provide.”  We must position ourselves to receive both from Him.