Nurture peace

 It's surreal: we are packing up for moving to a beautiful, bigger home with more yard and space to explore (the woods- we love it!).  A new adventure for all of us, about 45 minutes away from our current community.  We'll be letting go of a lot of what made up our days, weeks, and semi-monthly social gatherings.  I'm choosing to have hope in the new friendships and otherwise slowing down.  With 2 kids in "middle school", I need to have a lot of grace and guide them well.  Kids at that age are especially concerned for their relationships, and rightly so: now is especially a time for developing godly relationships that they will continue to "home base" on, along with their family once they leave the nest.  I pray that I would guide them well, and the Lord would bring incredible relationships; much truer than they previously had.  And that the friendships that are supposed to continue to impact them would stay.  It's a weight for me, but to trust God has the relationships sorted out, and I don't need to frantically look for social opportunities. Thank you Lord!

Yesterday was packing and loading out.  Our little guy really is extremely smart.  He comes up with ideas and wants to tell us what to do.  For whatever reason, I and especially my older son, struggle with this.  There is reason I keep harping on the importance of dwelling on the positive.  I have not yet mastered it, but with practice, and in the practicing, I know the glimpses of the blessings.  Each day I want to set out with a better spirit than I may have had the day before- especially at closing when there's resistance to bedtime and I'm spent.  These are the things I wish would miraculously get better: less contention in the home and sweet bedtimes.  Whew- what a beautiful home and lovely family we would be.  Lord, guide me in your word that I would be less contentious, and more full of grace and peace.  Give me that spirit of gentleness and silliness that would shift the atmosphere when it is not so.  

This leads me into another aspect of the home with conflict and a dispirited man.  What if your husband, or your son, or someone else in the family keeps the relenting of disparity?  Recognize the spirit of offense that gets awoken in you, and pray for the spirit of peace.  This is what I need to do.  All too often, I want to counter the disparity, and I instead of bringing peace create conflict.  Frustration that was originally pointed to someone else then explodes between us.  When you see your husband, or anyone else for that matter, getting worked up it is very appropriate to let him have his say, out of respect for his feelings.  (Aren't you always asking him for his feelings?!)  But don't fuel this fire: division is division, and speaking aloud frustrations, and encouraging any action on them, causes division.  Help him surrender the frustration.  Remain calm, objective, and when he is not at the peak of his frustration, encourage him to see the good side.  Ultimately, it is not in your lectures, but in your daily demeanor that your example of responding in forgiveness, seeking to find understanding, and even without understanding, choosing peace, that will help him disarm.

If I add my comments of frustration towards the person he is relenting, I will only be adding fuel to his emotional fire.  Realize that this really isn't healthy in either of us.  Inviting judgement into our relationship will eventually tear us apart too.  There is no gain in choosing to be united in bitterness.  Let offenses go, let God, who sees everything, be the judge.  Choose to see the best in others.  This doesn't mean you engage in a relationship your husband is weary of, but rather you continue to respect him, and show your respect towards others, whatever the needed distance.  If he is upset with someone and you find counter-testament, share it.  But don't make it a point of argument or to disprove him.  Be aware that if it is a conflict with a man, your man may quickly get jealous of any compliments.  Your focus needs to be in building your man up, and letting his confidence guide him rightly.  A man that is confident in himself will not be moved by petty little things from others.

Too often we as women get worked up about little things, share it with our husbands, and then wonder why they are getting worked up.  We are sharing an emotional, relational load that is not meant to be shared.  Remember: grace towards others.  He will forgive as we've forgiven (the Lord's prayer).  So will our husbands.

Be an encourager, encouraging the best perspective.  You have the gift of nurturing, but don't nurture the wrong thing!  "If you see your husband moving the in the direction of taking offense or being suspicious of the motives of those around him, never be sympathetic and supportive of his hurts.  Make your life's verse Philippians 4:8.  And remember, 1 Peter 3 says we can even win our lost husbands with our chaste conversation.  A chaste conversation has greater power with a man than does sympathy." (Pearl, Helpmeet pg 241) Awesomely, this applies to your impact on your son, your children as well!