Exhortations for a Christian woman

 The other day my older son got frustrated with my younger son.  Testosterone likely makes him extra testy as he's just transitioning into puberty and manhood.  I'm trying to encourage him to get out and expend that new "energy" through the manly things, as well as exhorting him.  He's in the Word, thank God, and is  a remarkable young man.  As I try to understand him, help him understand his younger brother (an age gap of 9 years), and parent the younger son, I try to give him relatable material.  What was he like when he was younger?  How did I treat him; though each child will inevitably get treated differently?  How does he see his father interacting with him, me, and his younger brother?  As I do all of this, I must be careful that I'm not placing guilt or shame,  that I'm not relaying bitterness or resentment, and that I'm not speaking derogatorily about anyone.  Doing any of these things will not help heal, but rather add to the frustration and his irritability.  A man, young or old, who thinks he is inept will push back, rebel, appear to quit, or lash out.  A man who thinks he needs to protect the woman in his life from someone else who is disrespecting her; whether that is her father, spouse, brother, son, or other relation, will step up to do so, and lash out at the woman when she doesn't appreciate it.  

We may think this is such a difficult dance.  How do we have daily conversation if we need to "walk on eggshells" so that we don't upset our man, or our son?  The answer is in what we choose to conversate about.  Can you tell, I really want this to "hit home" for you, so that your home can be transformed?  Do you want joy in your home?  Choose joy!  Every day can be fabulous: Call it so!

Philippians 4:8  "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

And speak them aloud!!  Speak these things as compliments over your husband, over your children, over your circumstances, over your day, over others!  The more you sing praises to our Heavenly Father for His gifts, the more you will see them, and so will the people you're around.  If you are finding "friends" who are quick to shoot down the praises, find new friends, but don't find a new spouse because you have friends that help you find his or other's faults!

Do not allow your mind to consider, dwell, or "analyze" the evil of others.  Love "thinketh no evil" (1 Corinthians 13:5).  Consider, you have 40,000 thoughts a day- most involuntary.  If it takes 5-7 positive to neutralize a negative, consider the damage of negative words and thoughts.  Stop them!  Take those thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), give God your anxieties (1 Peter 5:7)!  Don't dwell on them or share them with others unnecessarily.  

That you may say with David:

Psalm 66:16-20  "Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what He did for me.  For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke.  If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.  But God did listen!  He paid attention to my prayer.  Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw His unfailing love from me."

Learn to think and speak well of all people.  Practice looking at the good in people.  This too, is infectious!

Be patient, as it does take time to change the atmosphere, and in time you will notice a shift in you and in your family!

Don't allow yourself to think critical and judgmental thoughts about others, this only causes division and breaks down relationships.  Never Speak derogatorily about others in your husband's presence.  He doesn't need to know your disappointing and "evil" thoughts of others!  If you do, you are at fault for triggering the protector in him, though it may look like a a flare up of his wrath toward you, the kids, or some otherwise innocent person.  If this is the poison on your lips, you've probably given him reason to lash out at any given person because you, like a witch, have been sprinkling this poison carelessly everywhere.  Be aware of your words!  He has been working all day and dealing with whatever problems, he needs to come home to a refuge.  Yes, you may have been dealing with problems, your joint children, etc, but you can make the evenings and weekends sweet.  And the way you conduct yourself and your home when he's not there will either make it an easy transition of receiving him into the peaceful fold, or another reason for anxiousness to explode into division.  Be aware of your actions and reactions throughout the day.  

I exhort you with Colossians 3, please take time to read the whole chapter, and consider yourself.   There is no separation in how we are to conduct ourselves. we are not "slave to our husbands", but why not serve them as Paul exhorts servants and slaves.  Find favor in your husbands' eyes, God wants to bless you and your marriage in this way.  Consider the letter to Colossians is to help you grasp and grow in living the blessing of "In Christ" in this life.  Take to heart your part in the "Instructions to Christian households", and consider that women of old would call their husband "master".  Though I am not encouraging that, if you serve him with delight, he will look on you with delight.