Devoted to the man He gave me means I am devoted to Him

 So what does this submission, "obedience" look like? If it's not initiated by trust, though I would hope a good foundation of trust was built in the dating phase of your relationship, what is it initiated by?  "as unto the Lord." because we have a grounding in our trust that when we choose God, and God's ways, we are secure.  

Ephesians 5:22-24 "wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body.  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

1 Corinthians 11:3 "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God."

"The basis of a man's headship is rooted in the very essence of the woman's created nature.  Just as God is the head of Christ and Christ is the head of the man, so the man is the head of the woman (his wife).  My husband does not lose any dignity by being in subjection to Christ, nor do I lose any dignity by being in subjection to my husband.  Just as my husband finds security and meaning in submission to his head, so I become the person God created me to be in submitting to my head-- my husband." (Helpmeet p230)

To make this a little simpler, there is an order to everything.  To step out of order is to bring judgement and division.  When I acknowledge the order and work within it, I am protected.  This is not to suggest that I am incapable to make my own decisions, rather it is pertinent that I do make many decisions and that I am very intentional in making decisions that will lead to the greatest rewards.  I am of utmost value to the success of our unit, our marriage, our family, our income, our future.  I make choices that are within the boundaries of unity.  It's when I disregard that unity that I will cause division and there will be fallout.  I am never "less than" when I choose to honor my husband's wishes or choices, rather I am exercising the gift God gave me to elevate my husband's ventures and our union.  

Our submission to our own husbands should be viewed with the same love and fervency as our submission and love for Christ.  "The text says that we submit "as unto the Lord," as if we were submitting to the Lord.  Since my husbands's authority is delegated by God, when I submit to my husband, I am recognizing God's authority, and I am indeed submitting to God."(Helpmeet pg 230)  If I am really struggling with this, the question is if the struggle is actually in my relationship with God:  do I really trust Him?  Not just that He brought us together, but that His order is good, right, and rewarding.  I must choose to see my husband as God's chosen for me.

So what about men in general?  I honor them as brothers in Christ, or in the least as children of God, but none measures in importance or gains my allegiance as the One I have come into covenant with.  It doesn't matter if it sounds like the pastor has a better, more holy, deeper conviction for me to elevate; I elevate my husband and honor his wishes.  What if this means something like no church?  I win him over with my chaste words.  I never have a negative word to express to him, and I stay in the Word myself, with testimony on my lips.  Not self-righteousness, or Holy Spirit impersonating, but self control, gentleness, and devotion to the man I have.  And keep thanking God for him.  It is in our gratefulness that we will see things differently, and then they will change.  

I am not submissive to all men, nor am I teaching my daughters to be submissive to all men until they are married to one: that is a poor and scary practice!  Rather, we submit to God, and there is always a respect for His children.  Every person has value and is girded with gifts from God, some that we may not fully understand, and it is not for us to judge and usurp our thoughts, gifts or convictions to beat any man down (including my own sons).  God, through Holy Spirit, has access to every person.  This does not take away the importance of my training my children, or my boys particularly, but rather makes it all the more important that I train them to hear Holy Spirit themselves.  That I write the Law of the Lord on my own forehead to live it out myself and teach it to them so that they would have a compass, boundaries, and be able to identify God's will and ways.