Are we there yet?

 It's summer, time for all the fun plans to begin... and road trips.  You know if you're buckling up for a trip with your kids, you're going to hear multiple times, "are we there yet?"  Even if it's just a couple hours.  

That's how I'm feeling right now though.  I am just being exposed to this new way of thinking, a new way of seeing submission and honoring my husband as a wife and a mother.  This weekend I had one of my little tantrums, and yes, expressed my frustration, but also said I'm working on this.  Understanding how to be a better wife.... and a better mother.  I don't want to look back, pass blame, or claim "brain wiring": I have elasticity and I will form to God's intention.

Proverbs 31:11-12  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of  value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Titus 2:5 To be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

I really had a concept of him serving me, basically taking care of all my comfort needs and I would care for the kids, the house, manage/steward "well", but not to include picking up after him, keeping my mouth shut or even encouraging him when I don't completely agree with him, or staying up later to do something for him.... I mean, that's like, literally sacrificing and playing dumb.... or honoring my God!?

I know that when I'm practicing elevating my way I am not "enjoying" life.  Even if it's something I'm convicted of, projecting that to Chris doesn't help.  Prayer, patience, let the Lord work.  It's going to take a lot of practice.  Lord, forgive me.  For letting discouragement well up in me and snuff out progress.  When I told Chris both my frustration, and that I'm trying to not let these things drive me, that as I testify, or share how God's moving, Satan wants to take that away from me.  HE  said, "call it out for what it is, "Satan you have no power on this girl!"Could it really be that easy?  I might have to repeat it, breathe in and out, worship anyway.  He confirmed that he just doesn't think that way, His sense of take care of the family is to do what he needs to do to hunt, and not be distracted.  Mine is to care for the flock.

This is what Debi's re-iterating, even as I next-day open up her book.  I need to grasp this, be gracious (to my self as well), and teach the kids how to be gracious too, not just expressing myself with them even in a joking manner.  So much clean-up to do.  Further, to lift up Nathaniel as he becomes a man: no snarky remarks towards him or his father, that confuses and gives him anxiety.  I'm not going to make him the better man someday by pointing out Chris's faults or teasing Nathaniel that he's getting there- or not.  Lord, forgive me!